I was doing exactly what I wanted to do, however, I never felt like it was enough. Or, maybe just not important enough. I had to learn how to embrace it without fear of what others thought about my situation. I didn't want to feel guilty anymore for choosing my kids, my family, and my home as what I wanted to focus on and commit my time and energy toward.
I didn't originally choose this situation, becoming a stay at home mom happened a year after having my second son. I was working full time for the first year of his life while he and my first born were in daycare. Before that, I was in school to become an esthetician for a year. My first born was 4 months old when I enrolled and I was away from him 5 days a week for 6 hours a day! I wasn't even getting ahead, I was barely making enough to cover daycare and gas, all the while running myself into the ground and missing the precious first years of my children's lives.
So, we decided I should stay at home and focus on the kids while my husband focused on his new career and dedicated himself to work. It took me 3 years before I embraced this opportunity. I never saw it as an opportunity, I would spend my days searching for ways to make money-applying to part-time jobs, researching new careers, and even dabbling in direct sales, AND an attempt to start my own business. All failed. Usually, because my most important job of raising my kids and homemaking kept bubbling up to the top of all these lists and continued to declare itself as most important. And a part of me was happy when it happened. Maybe.. because it was an excuse to get OUT of something I jumped into. Maybe it was what God wanted me to see, like a reminder that I HAVE been doing what I was meant to do all along.
It was time for me to realize what I really wanted and what truly made me happy. And through this process, I also realized that being a stay at home mom and taking care of all my loved ones is what made me HAPPY! Did it make me money? No. But did I feel a sense of fulfillment? Absolutely. I believe that if you find what makes you happy and start doing what you love to do, then God will take care of the rest no matter how absurd it may seem. Everything will fall into place and work out.
JUST. STOP. RESISTING.
Now, I'm not saying everyone should quit their job and become homemakers. What I'm trying to get at, is, are you living in the now? Have you ever thought that maybe you have the ideal life already? Maybe you need some more cash, maybe you need to buy a home and aren't sure how you'll afford it, maybe you are feeling the pressure of society telling you that you need to have a better job or go back to school or whatever may be coming at you. Have you asked yourself if YOU are happy in life, doing what you do everyday? That's what matters.
If the answer is no, then step number two is figuring out your passion. However, step number ONE is to live in the now and be happy with today and who you are. It takes guts to change life plans after you've had this totally different vision of what you thought you had to do, but it's completely DO-ABLE and worth your happiness. Trust me!
If the answer is YES, then good for you! Live in the right now. Don't get caught up in what I went through for 3 years, where I got stuck on the shoulda woulda couldas of life. Focus on everything in front of you in the present moment and stop yesterday's and tomorrow's worries.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34)
Love a little longer.
Love a little gentler,