What is a nagging wife? Well, as defined by my husband: "A complainer, won't let you ball with your bros, wants to have long conversations after work, wants snap decisions over the phone while at work."
Let me explain:
"Ball with my bros" is code for playing video games with his friend over the XBOX or watching football while actively communicating in the fantasy team group chat.
And the "snap decisions at work" are referring to me calling up my husband last week and asking if I can homeschool my son after being upset with his school for miscommunication. I called him up and he was like "Can we talk about this later, I'm kind of busy..." HAHAHA Is that a yes???
I had to learn the hard way, i.e. lots of arguments, that I can be a little overwhelming to someone who is tired from work and expecting to come home to peace and a break. As a stay at home mom of young kids, I had lots of time on my hands and would wait by the door ready to pounce on my hubby as soon as he entered the door. Unleashing all of my anger, rage, troubles, and problems of the day on him. Wanting him to sit down and talk about our budget or a 5 year plan. It varied from simple to complex.
As a young person in a fresh marriage and with fresh babies, I took his lack of enthusiasm for conversation very personal. Like, he didn't care about these things and if he didn't care about them then he must not love me or his kids. (I told you, I was young and dramatic) I hate to admit that it took at least a year or two before I matured enough and our communication improved to allow me to finally understand that he didn't mind the topics, he'd just prefer to do it on a day off when he has more patience and energy and less on his mind. A simple concept that my exhausted and stressed mommy brain just couldn't see at first.
After I realized what I had been doing, I felt terrible!! I mean, this wasn't like a couple days in a row...it was years of me being a crazy witch woman towards him and crying about how he didn't want to talk to me-Seriously!
Are you a woman who expects to have deep conversations at all the wrong times?
Don't worry, I get it, I've been there. Sometimes, I feel a sense of urgency when something makes me anxious and I have to "figure it all out" right then and there. It can make my husband uncomfortable, as men usually have a more relaxed attitude when it comes to things and he looks at it as nonsensical or over reacting. Or, dare I say....A Nagging Wife. He's usually right, as I sleep on it and then realize I was overreacting.
Here are 5 tips to help you lose the title of a "nag":
#1 Wait for the weekend for meaningful conversations
If you want your husband to be engaged in the conversation you wish to have, then wait for the weekend or a day off. I've even had my husband schedule a time and day so I could hold him accountable, mainly during football season. This has helped tremendously with our communication. Instead of coming at him with desperation and a sense of urgency, I'm able to think about what I need to talk to him about and am calm going into it. This allows him to let his guard down so our conversations are more productive.
#2 Support your husband's social life
You know when you become a parent and then it seems like you're now lame because since you've had your kid none of your friends invite you out anywhere? Yeah, guys feel that too. If they have an opportunity to go watch a football game with a friend that invited them over, encourage and support! It will make your husband happy, and a happy husband makes for a more fulfilling marriage. Trust me! I used to get mad at my husband for using up his day off for his friend over his family. I couldn't give him one day without complaining about it. It made him feel like crap. Don't be like me. Support your husband and his social life.
#3 Complain Less
This one is tough. I see dirty laundry left on the floor every morning from my husband, Ben and Jerry's garbage left on the window from the night before, water all over the floor after a shower. These things can really send me reeling. But, I take one for the team and clean it up-free of complaints (most of the time). I do it because I love him. And I'm not perfect. He rarely complains about all the messes the kids and I make throughout the day, which I'm forever grateful for. If he can bite his tongue, then so can I.
#4 Write Down Your Issues Before You Voice Them
Writing down things that are on your mind before you take them to your husband will allow two things to happen. 1. You can take your anger out on the pages which will help prevent some regrettable words from being hurled at your husband. 2. You will see if the issue is as major as it felt in the moment after you have a chance to process it.
#5 If You Have A Problem, Present A Solution
It's not fair to complain just to release some steam. Your husband isn't your punching bag. But if there are issues that truly need to be addressed such as needing more help around the house, wanting to spend more time together, needing help with the kids, etc., have some suggestions to bring to your spouse when you sit down to voice your concerns that will get you closer to the solution.
Ever since I checked the nagging at the door, my husband has been my best friend. Sure, we annoy each other all the time. But we have a closer relationship with more communication. I no longer attack him at the door upon arrival and he tells me about his day and hangs out with me after work. I guess you want to hang out with someone more when you know they won't verbally attack you. *Nervous laugh*
Keep Calm and Don't Nag On!